Powerful pumps developed for shopping mall fountains will now be used to shoot oil across American skies, eliminating the need for dangerous oil pipelines. The US Department Of Energy announced today that America will lead the world in this new technology, set to launch after settling disputes with the Federal Aviation Administration. “We used to [...]
Citing the fact that American voters have consistently chosen to be represented by a majority of men, the House and Senate this week passed legislation to give male politicians jurisdiction over traditionally female issues including contraception, pregnancy, and breast-feeding. Classifying them under “Men’s Women’s Health” is intended to streamline the process of legislating such issues. A [...]
In a recent study, American readers were 1500% more likely to follow a political story if the first sentence contained the word “penis.” The Infothority is in talks to broker a major new partnership between C-SPAN, the struggling cable network that airs governmental proceedings, and TMZ, the celebrity gossip program watched by millions. The result: a new [...]
Realizing that “Occupy” protest encampments only tend to grow after being evicted, NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg has ordered the entire NYPD to set up their own tents throughout Manhattan, occupying any and all spaces where more than two people could conceivably gather. Officers have dubbed the plan “C*ck Blockupy Wall Street.” The city had to [...]
Recent media coverage of the economy has led to the financial over-education of the American public. The Infothority urges that we fix this problem and return economics to its safe and rightful place, outside the grasp of the average citizen’s comprehension. Our team of linguists (including several who were on the team that created Pig [...]
Various groups have asked The Infothority to take a stab at America’s gay marriage dispute, so we set upon the difficult task of finding a solution that’s fair to bigoted Americans, gay Americans, and super-gay Americans alike. The answer was obvious: All must be treated equal, so no one gets to choose who they marry. The federal [...]
From Senator, to Mayor, to Town Council Member, elected office provides more power than we should expect any person to contain within a monogamous relationship. The public scandal that erupts when nature takes its course hurts our government and hurts the families of these brave moral leaders.
Whoever the “job creators” are, they’re not doing their job. While the government debates whether to give money to wealthy business owners or to struggling consumers, The Infothority is knocking everything we can off the shelves of American businesses. Cleaning it up? That’ll be someone else’s job, and they can thank us later. The Infothority [...]
The Infothority’s team of undercover investigative babies is reporting a growing movement for baby unionization. In our opinion, this is bad for the country. America was founded by grown-ups, and grown-ups should remain in charge, so babies must not be allowed to bargain collectively. They simply lack the maturity, attention span, and business attire to give [...]
A whistleblower in a high-level D.C. position has reported to The Infothority that several sitting members of Congress are covertly pushing the agenda of millions of American citizens. The infiltrators allegedly got elected by going underground into America’s “communities.” It was there that they were able to gather significant campaign donations from American people seeking [...]
***UPDATE*** Since our initial call to action, hundreds of thousands of Americans have e-mailed the U.S. Treasury Department with the credit card numbers of their relatives, roommates, neighbors, and others whose wallets were accessible. Our contact person in the Department has since asked us to remove their e-mail address from our site (presumably for plausible [...]
As long as school lunches are so unhealthy, and as long as there is so much injustice in the world worth protesting, why aren’t we organizing massive elementary school hunger strikes? We are. Please contact The Infothority if your school district would like to join the “Conscientious Snacktime Objectors” for elementary schools, the “Tiny Tummy [...]
With elected and appointed officials seeming less and less able to accurately represent “We The People,” it’s time to amend the Constitution to add a fourth branch of government: The Shouting Mob. The Infothority has been in talks with an unorganized, yet impressively loud gathering of Washington DC protestors. We’ve drafted an amendment in order to legitimize this [...]
The weapons industry is integral to America’s financial and military dominance. Why then, does it seem that college basketball recruiters are more aggressive in scouting promising young talent than our country’s weapons manufacturers? American children are known to be some of the most violent and diabolical in the world, but that’s only good news if [...]
There’s no way to know who will be the next traitor to leak sensitive documents online, and so there’s only one way to protect our country; flood the internet with fake leaks. We hereby call for the formation of the US Department of Document Forgery. The USDODF will be tasked with creating and releasing vast [...]
Powerful pumps developed for shopping mall fountains will now be used to shoot oil across American skies, eliminating the need for dangerous oil pipelines. The US Department Of Energy announced today that America will lead the world in this new technology, set to launch after settling disputes with the Federal Aviation Administration. “We used to [...]
Citing the fact that American voters have consistently chosen to be represented by a majority of men, the House and Senate this week passed legislation to give male politicians jurisdiction over traditionally female issues including contraception, pregnancy, and breast-feeding. Classifying them under “Men’s Women’s Health” is intended to streamline the process of legislating such issues. A [...]
In a recent study, American readers were 1500% more likely to follow a political story if the first sentence contained the word “penis.” The Infothority is in talks to broker a major new partnership between C-SPAN, the struggling cable network that airs governmental proceedings, and TMZ, the celebrity gossip program watched by millions. The result: a new [...]
Students at Pepper Spray University have become increasingly non-violent in the last week, leaving many school officials nervous. PSU administrators first tried to downplay student pacifism, assuring reporters that things are as violent as ever, that the unusually cold weather had simply driven harsh student crackdowns indoors. They dropped that line within days though, after [...]
Realizing that “Occupy” protest encampments only tend to grow after being evicted, NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg has ordered the entire NYPD to set up their own tents throughout Manhattan, occupying any and all spaces where more than two people could conceivably gather. Officers have dubbed the plan “C*ck Blockupy Wall Street.” The city had to [...]
A whistleblower in a high-level D.C. position has reported to The Infothority that several sitting members of Congress are covertly pushing the agenda of millions of American citizens. The infiltrators allegedly got elected by going underground into America’s “communities.” It was there that they were able to gather significant campaign donations from American people seeking [...]
Recent media coverage of the economy has led to the financial over-education of the American public. The Infothority urges that we fix this problem and return economics to its safe and rightful place, outside the grasp of the average citizen’s comprehension. Our team of linguists (including several who were on the team that created Pig [...]
Various groups have asked The Infothority to take a stab at America’s gay marriage dispute, so we set upon the difficult task of finding a solution that’s fair to bigoted Americans, gay Americans, and super-gay Americans alike. The answer was obvious: All must be treated equal, so no one gets to choose who they marry. The federal [...]
From Senator, to Mayor, to Town Council Member, elected office provides more power than we should expect any person to contain within a monogamous relationship. The public scandal that erupts when nature takes its course hurts our government and hurts the families of these brave moral leaders.
Whoever the “job creators” are, they’re not doing their job. While the government debates whether to give money to wealthy business owners or to struggling consumers, The Infothority is knocking everything we can off the shelves of American businesses. Cleaning it up? That’ll be someone else’s job, and they can thank us later. The Infothority [...]
The Infothority’s team of undercover investigative babies is reporting a growing movement for baby unionization. In our opinion, this is bad for the country. America was founded by grown-ups, and grown-ups should remain in charge, so babies must not be allowed to bargain collectively. They simply lack the maturity, attention span, and business attire to give [...]
***UPDATE*** Since our initial call to action, hundreds of thousands of Americans have e-mailed the U.S. Treasury Department with the credit card numbers of their relatives, roommates, neighbors, and others whose wallets were accessible. Our contact person in the Department has since asked us to remove their e-mail address from our site (presumably for plausible [...]
SPECIAL REPORT: Adults know there’s no such place as Hogwarts. We know that Harry Potter is a fictional character. We know there’s no evil Voldemort, and we know that teaching wizardry to children takes far longer in real life than it does in the movies. Unfortunately, according The Infothority’s recent study, most American children do not [...]
Traffic schools are great for teaching theory, but who is out there in traffic where it counts? Thanks to the generosity of The Infothority’s donors, we’re proud to announce the success of our most recent community improvement program, Traffic Safety Clowns. Our team of clowns traveled to the country’s busiest intersections, shouting reminders at motorists [...]
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