• Some Louisiana residents were surprised to learn that their lease or deed contained fine print in which they agreed to live beneath an open stream of flying oil.

    U.S. Approves First Pipeless Pipeline

    Oil Companies To Shoot Oil Across Sky

    Powerful pumps developed for shopping mall fountains will now be used to shoot oil across American skies, eliminating the need for dangerous oil pipelines.  The US Department Of Energy announced today that America will lead the world in this new technology, set to launch after settling disputes with the Federal Aviation Administration. “We used to [...]

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  • Two female doctors give an inherently biased opinion on a female patient's health.

    “Women’s Health” To Be Renamed “Men’s Women’s Health”

    Women Deemed "Too Close To The Issue"

    Citing the fact that American voters have consistently chosen to be represented by a majority of men, the House and Senate this week passed legislation to give male politicians jurisdiction over traditionally female issues including contraception, pregnancy, and breast-feeding.  Classifying them under “Men’s Women’s Health” is intended to streamline the process of legislating such issues.  A [...]

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  • Nancy Pelosi addresses the media after a House vote on a landmark infrastructure bill.

    Introducing TMZ-SPAN

    New Network Aims To Make Government Sexy Again

    In a recent study, American readers were 1500% more likely to follow a political story if the first sentence contained the word “penis.”  The Infothority is in talks to broker a major new partnership between C-SPAN, the struggling cable network that airs governmental proceedings, and TMZ, the celebrity gossip program watched by millions.  The result: a new [...]

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  • NYPD officers struggle to set up their tent, claiming it came with one pole shorter than the other and confusingly illustrated instructions.

    C*ck Blockupy Wall Street

    Protestors Not A Problem If Police Take Up All Open Space

    Realizing that “Occupy” protest encampments only tend to grow after being evicted, NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg has ordered the entire NYPD to set up their own tents throughout Manhattan, occupying any and all spaces where more than two people could conceivably gather.  Officers have dubbed the plan “C*ck Blockupy Wall Street.” The city had to [...]

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  • An increase in financial understanding could unmonetize fiscavagries within the econosphere, as gruberstrated above..

    Knowledge: The New Economic Disaster

    Fighting Dangerously High Levels Of Financial Literacy

    Recent media coverage of the economy has led to the financial over-education of the American public.  The Infothority urges that we fix this problem and return economics to its safe and rightful place, outside the grasp of the average citizen’s comprehension.  Our team of linguists (including several who were on the team that created Pig [...]

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  • Baby Marriage legislation would ensure that young Americans such as these will never struggle with dating anxiety, breakups, or anti-gay discrimination.

    Banning Gay Marriage Is Not Enough

    Proper Government Regulation of Love Begins At Birth

    Various groups have asked The Infothority to take a stab at America’s gay marriage dispute, so we set upon the difficult task of finding a solution that’s fair to bigoted Americans, gay Americans, and super-gay Americans alike.  The answer was obvious:  All must be treated equal, so no one gets to choose who they marry.  The federal [...]

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  • Sexual “Hall Pass” For Elected Officials

    Sexual “Hall Pass” For Elected Officials

    Our Fight To Acknowledge The Inherent Hotness Of Elected Office

    From Senator, to Mayor, to Town Council Member, elected office provides more power than we should expect any person to contain within a monogamous relationship.  The public scandal that erupts when nature takes its course hurts our government and hurts the families of these brave moral leaders.

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  • These patriots are being even more careful than necessary considering that toys are made to be extremely durable.

    Cleanup In Aisle “America”

    Knocking Things Off Shelves Is Quickest Way To Create Jobs

    Whoever the “job creators” are, they’re not doing their job.  While the government debates whether to give money to wealthy business owners or to struggling consumers, The Infothority is knocking everything we can off the shelves of American businesses.  Cleaning it up?  That’ll be someone else’s job, and they can thank us later. The Infothority [...]

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  • Beware The Baby Uprising

    Beware The Baby Uprising

    Baby Unionization Movement Threatens Adult America

    The Infothority’s team of undercover investigative babies is reporting a growing movement for baby unionization.  In our opinion, this is bad for the country. America was founded by grown-ups, and grown-ups should remain in charge, so babies must not be allowed to bargain collectively.  They simply lack the maturity, attention span, and business attire to give [...]

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  • Whistleblower: “American People” Have Infiltrated Congress

    Whistleblower: “American People” Have Infiltrated Congress

    "Non-Special Interests" Plotting Citizen-Centered Agenda

    A whistleblower in a high-level D.C. position has reported to The Infothority that several sitting members of Congress are covertly pushing the agenda of millions of American citizens.  The infiltrators allegedly got elected by going underground into America’s “communities.”  It was there that they were able to gather significant campaign donations from American people seeking [...]

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  • Steal A Credit Card For America

    Steal A Credit Card For America

    Solution To U.S. Debt Crisis May Lie In Your Roommate's Wallet

    ***UPDATE***  Since our initial call to action, hundreds of thousands of Americans have e-mailed the U.S. Treasury Department with the credit card numbers of their relatives, roommates, neighbors, and others whose wallets were accessible. Our contact person in the Department has since asked us to remove their e-mail address from our site (presumably for plausible [...]

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  • Other countries are way ahead of us, as evidenced by these tiny, hungry activists staging a sit-in for some cause or another.

    Taking Ghandi From A Baby

    Our Solution For Any Social Struggle

    As long as school lunches are so unhealthy, and as long as there is so much injustice in the world worth protesting, why aren’t we organizing massive elementary school hunger strikes? We are. Please contact The Infothority if your school district would like to join the “Conscientious Snacktime Objectors” for elementary schools, the “Tiny Tummy [...]

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  • Shouting Mob Deserves Equal Rights

    Shouting Mob Deserves Equal Rights

    Angry, Yelling Crowd Should Be Made Fourth Branch Of U.S. Government

    With elected and appointed officials seeming less and less able to accurately represent “We The People,” it’s time to amend the Constitution to add a fourth branch of government: The Shouting Mob. The Infothority has been in talks with an unorganized, yet impressively loud gathering of Washington DC protestors.  We’ve drafted an amendment in order to legitimize this [...]

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  • "The US will never catch up with our generation of young weapons designers." says People's Liberation Army General Lao Fung Wu.  The 2 year old General is seen here instructing a uniformed officer.

    Is Your Toddler The Next Great Weapons Designer?

    Scholarship aims to connect promising youth with US Arms Industry

    The weapons industry is integral to America’s financial and military dominance.  Why then, does it seem that college basketball recruiters are more aggressive in scouting promising young talent than our country’s weapons manufacturers?  American children are known to be some of the most violent and diabolical in the world, but that’s only good news if [...]

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  • While most other production jobs have been shipped overseas, one thing the US is still capable of creating is vast amounts of official-looking paperwork.

    Winning The War Against WikiLeaks

    America's Greatest Weapon: A Paper-Trail To Nowhere

    There’s no way to know who will be the next traitor to leak sensitive documents online, and so there’s only one way to protect our country; flood the internet with fake leaks.  We hereby call for the formation of the US Department of Document Forgery. The USDODF will be tasked with creating and releasing vast [...]

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News:

U.S. Approves First Pipeless Pipeline

Oil Companies To Shoot Oil Across Sky

Some Louisiana residents were surprised to learn that their lease or deed contained fine print in which they agreed to live beneath an open stream of flying oil.

Powerful pumps developed for shopping mall fountains will now be used to shoot oil across American skies, eliminating the need for dangerous oil pipelines.  The US Department Of Energy announced today that America will lead the world in this new technology, set to launch after settling disputes with the Federal Aviation Administration. “We used to [...]

Bookmark and Share

Read More

“Women’s Health” To Be Renamed “Men’s Women’s Health”

Women Deemed "Too Close To The Issue"

Two female doctors give an inherently biased opinion on a female patient's health.

Citing the fact that American voters have consistently chosen to be represented by a majority of men, the House and Senate this week passed legislation to give male politicians jurisdiction over traditionally female issues including contraception, pregnancy, and breast-feeding.  Classifying them under “Men’s Women’s Health” is intended to streamline the process of legislating such issues.  A [...]

Bookmark and Share

Read More

Introducing TMZ-SPAN

New Network Aims To Make Government Sexy Again

Nancy Pelosi addresses the media after a House vote on a landmark infrastructure bill.

In a recent study, American readers were 1500% more likely to follow a political story if the first sentence contained the word “penis.”  The Infothority is in talks to broker a major new partnership between C-SPAN, the struggling cable network that airs governmental proceedings, and TMZ, the celebrity gossip program watched by millions.  The result: a new [...]

Bookmark and Share

Read More

Disturbing Rise In Non-Violence At Pepper Spray University

PSU Students Threaten To Remain Peaceful Indefinitely

This photo taken during a normal, early evening spraying at Pepper Spray University where, moments later, the scene became unprecedentedly non-violent.

Students at Pepper Spray University have become increasingly non-violent in the last week, leaving many school officials nervous. PSU administrators first tried to downplay student pacifism, assuring reporters that things are as violent as ever, that the unusually cold weather had simply driven harsh student crackdowns indoors.  They dropped that line within days though, after [...]

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C*ck Blockupy Wall Street

Protestors Not A Problem If Police Take Up All Open Space

NYPD officers struggle to set up their tent, claiming it came with one pole shorter than the other and confusingly illustrated instructions.

Realizing that “Occupy” protest encampments only tend to grow after being evicted, NYC mayor Michael Bloomberg has ordered the entire NYPD to set up their own tents throughout Manhattan, occupying any and all spaces where more than two people could conceivably gather.  Officers have dubbed the plan “C*ck Blockupy Wall Street.” The city had to [...]

Bookmark and Share

Read More

Whistleblower: “American People” Have Infiltrated Congress

"Non-Special Interests" Plotting Citizen-Centered Agenda

Whistleblower: “American People” Have Infiltrated Congress

A whistleblower in a high-level D.C. position has reported to The Infothority that several sitting members of Congress are covertly pushing the agenda of millions of American citizens.  The infiltrators allegedly got elected by going underground into America’s “communities.”  It was there that they were able to gather significant campaign donations from American people seeking [...]

Bookmark and Share

Read More

Views:

Knowledge: The New Economic Disaster

Fighting Dangerously High Levels Of Financial Literacy

An increase in financial understanding could unmonetize fiscavagries within the econosphere, as gruberstrated above..

Recent media coverage of the economy has led to the financial over-education of the American public.  The Infothority urges that we fix this problem and return economics to its safe and rightful place, outside the grasp of the average citizen’s comprehension.  Our team of linguists (including several who were on the team that created Pig [...]

Bookmark and Share

Read More

Banning Gay Marriage Is Not Enough

Proper Government Regulation of Love Begins At Birth

Baby Marriage legislation would ensure that young Americans such as these will never struggle with dating anxiety, breakups, or anti-gay discrimination.

Various groups have asked The Infothority to take a stab at America’s gay marriage dispute, so we set upon the difficult task of finding a solution that’s fair to bigoted Americans, gay Americans, and super-gay Americans alike.  The answer was obvious:  All must be treated equal, so no one gets to choose who they marry.  The federal [...]

Bookmark and Share

Read More

Sexual “Hall Pass” For Elected Officials

Our Fight To Acknowledge The Inherent Hotness Of Elected Office

Sexual “Hall Pass” For Elected Officials

From Senator, to Mayor, to Town Council Member, elected office provides more power than we should expect any person to contain within a monogamous relationship.  The public scandal that erupts when nature takes its course hurts our government and hurts the families of these brave moral leaders.

Bookmark and Share

Read More

Cleanup In Aisle “America”

Knocking Things Off Shelves Is Quickest Way To Create Jobs

These patriots are being even more careful than necessary considering that toys are made to be extremely durable.

Whoever the “job creators” are, they’re not doing their job.  While the government debates whether to give money to wealthy business owners or to struggling consumers, The Infothority is knocking everything we can off the shelves of American businesses.  Cleaning it up?  That’ll be someone else’s job, and they can thank us later. The Infothority [...]

Bookmark and Share

Read More

Beware The Baby Uprising

Baby Unionization Movement Threatens Adult America

Beware The Baby Uprising

The Infothority’s team of undercover investigative babies is reporting a growing movement for baby unionization.  In our opinion, this is bad for the country. America was founded by grown-ups, and grown-ups should remain in charge, so babies must not be allowed to bargain collectively.  They simply lack the maturity, attention span, and business attire to give [...]

Bookmark and Share

Read More

Steal A Credit Card For America

Solution To U.S. Debt Crisis May Lie In Your Roommate's Wallet

Steal A Credit Card For America

***UPDATE***  Since our initial call to action, hundreds of thousands of Americans have e-mailed the U.S. Treasury Department with the credit card numbers of their relatives, roommates, neighbors, and others whose wallets were accessible. Our contact person in the Department has since asked us to remove their e-mail address from our site (presumably for plausible [...]

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Additional Info

These real-life wizardry students play Quiddich on the ground, unlike adult professionals or children in misleading books and films.

Good Riddance To Harry Potter Series

Our Study Shows Series Gives False Expectations To Real-Life Child Wizardry Students

SPECIAL REPORT:  Adults know there’s no such place as Hogwarts.  We know that Harry Potter is a fictional character.  We know there’s no evil Voldemort, and we know that teaching wizardry to children takes far longer in real life than it does in the movies. Unfortunately, according The Infothority’s recent study, most American children do not [...]

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Traffic Safety Clowns

Traffic Safety Clowns

Shoving Traffic Safety Right In Drivers’ Faces

Traffic schools are great for teaching theory, but who is out there in traffic where it counts?  Thanks to the generosity of The Infothority’s donors, we’re proud to announce the success of our most recent community improvement program, Traffic Safety Clowns. Our team of clowns traveled to the country’s busiest intersections, shouting reminders at motorists [...]

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